Who doesn't love a top 5 list?

Since Monday of last week, I have taught a total of two classes. One of those shouldn't even count, because we played games the entire time. So, let's do some math. Not including today, that is 5 days with essentially no teaching..40 hours. Granted, I am able to get up and move around, visit with other teachers, play ping pong, but most of the time I am simply sitting in front of my computer. Sometimes I will read a book, but since most of the other teachers around me appear to be doing "actual work" I don't exactly want to make it THAT obvious that I have nothing to do. Then I run the risk of having to teach more classes, and no one wants that.

Thus, I have spend roughly 80% of those 40 hours staring at my computer screen, learning asinine amounts of useless information and burning my precious retinas. At the same time, it has been nice waking up every morning knowing that the most difficult thing I will have to do all day is to decide which Podcasts to listen to first.

Anyway, since the other class I was supposed to teach today got cancelled, I figured I'd share a little bit of what I discovered during my in-school vacation. So here is a little top 5 list of things that may or may not change the way you experience time and/or space.

1.) Poetry Readings on Youtube.

Seriously, many of you may think this is super lame, but I think that listening to Sylvia Plath read "Daddy" or Charles Bukowski reading "Bluebird" or Paul Muldoon reading "Why Brownlee Left" is incredible [Side Note: I got to meet Muldoon once, by the way. We drank Guiness and talked about Neil Young...one my fondest memories of college, besides being arrested of course]. Anyway, here's a good one for you. This is Frank O'Hara reading "Having a Coke with You," a poem I had never read before last week.

2.) Carlton Mellick III

Apparently, this guy is one of the most important authors of the relatively new and obscure "Bizarro Movement" in modern literature. Though I have never read any of his work, his titles are brilliant. Here are a few examples:

Razor Wire Pubic Hair

The Baby Jesus Butt Plug

The Menstruating Mall

The Haunted Vagina (can't wait to read this one)

Adolf in Wonderland

The best part is that the titles refer directly to the plot of the books. So "The Menstruating Mall" is actually about a mall's feminine cycle. Who knows what "Adolf In Wonderland" is about, but I'm curious.

If you're interested in more information regarding Carlton Mellick III or the Bizarro movement in general, this book is supposedly a good place to start. I already added it to my amazon.com wishlist.

3.) The Wide World of Serial Killers

I spent much of my free time brushing up on the biographies of famous serial killers. Starting with the Michael Phelps of serial killers, Jack the Ripper (not to be confused with Jessie and the Rippers), I made my way through history, and found some pretty interesting stuff.

One of the most ridiculous serial killers of all time is Liu Pengli, from the Jing Dynasty of China. Good ol' Liu was cousin of the emperor and, as with many spoiled rich kids, he lead a life of boredom and apathy. Pengli would take 10 to 20 slaves out with him and simply murder people for fun, throwing in some torture just for the hell of it. His kill count was well over 100, and his little "expeditions" were notorious throughout the Jing Dynasty. Eventually, Liu Pengli was sentenced to be executed, but the emperor would not allow family to be executed, so he simply abolished Liu to the boonies.

Contrary to popular belief, women can also harbor some intense blood lust. Countess Elizabeth Bathory of Hungary, with some help from friends, is said to have tortured and killed more than 600 girls after her husband died. Apparently Lizzy was a fan of experimental surgery, severe beatings, and eating her victim's flesh. WHOA!

Thug Behram of India may claim the highest victim toll in Serial Killer history. He is said to have killed 931 people by strangulation before he was executed by hanging in 1840. Thug Behram was part of the Thuggee Cult, which is also worth looking in to.

4.) http://criterioncollection.blogspot.com/

Given my obsession with the Criterion Collection, I was very excited to stumble upon the Criterion Contraption. Matthew Dessem, some guy from LA, decided to watch every film in the Criterion Collection in order. There are currently 455 films in the Criterion Collection, and since Dessem began the project in 2004, he has only made it through #87. This is not due to laziness however. Dessem claims to spend at least 15 hours with each film, and his posts show it. He gives in-depth analysis of the film's history, plot, thematic elements, and his own apt criticisms. Plus he always includes amazing stills from each film. This is a project I have always wanted to begin, but knew I'd never finish. So it's nice to see that someone out there has the will power and intelligence to do it justice. At the rate he's going, DVDs will be obsolete long before Dessem finishes reaches the finish line.

5.) I'm surprised by how few things I miss from back home...it pretty much comes down to driving, cheese, and good beer. However, there is one formerly important part of my life that I didn't realize I missed until I saw this. 

http://ccinsider.comedycentral.com/cc_insider/2008/10/the-daily-sho-1.html

I showed one of these clips to my co-teacher...she didn't get it.