Movin' on up

I have decided to move my blog to WordPress. From now on, all ramblings, mediocre photography, and irrelevant youtube videos can be found here:

http://thesmellofpajamas.wordpress.com/

Keeping in touch with the Real World

I have made an important life choice recently. I decided to rekindle a former flame, the Real World. The only reason I know that the Real World is still on television is that I saw someone hyping the season premiere in her facebook status (wow, I'm lame). I thought to myself, "Hhmm, maybe I'll start watching the Real World again. Why not?"

The Real World was an important part of my adolescence, as I'm sure most people of my generation would say. In my preteen years, the Real World introduced me to homosexuality, HIV, and of course, blow jobs. Growing up in a conservative household, on Cape Cod no less, I had little sense of the world around me at the age of 11. The notion of homosexuality had probably never crossed my mind, unless I had happened to overhear someone mention it as a 'sin.' I probably read about HIV, but I had never seen or known anyone affected by it. To me, it was a disease far, far away from my daily life. I knew about sex. I knew that was where babies came from. That was about it. I didn't know that people were doing it all the time, with many different people, in many different ways. The Real World may not be 'reality,' but to a sheltered preteen, it was an introduction to the world beyond the Sagamore Bridge.

The last season I remember watching was San Diego, and I think that I only watched because I had a crush on some blond girl on the show. Hawaii was the last season that I truly enjoyed. Where have they been since? Philly, right? Hollywood? Didn't they go to Denver? That must have been a rough patch for the series. Who the hell cares about Denver?

When I saw that this new season was to take place in Brooklyn, I was very curious. Brooklyn seems like a good place to revive interest in the show. It's the hipster capitol of the country. All the cool kids live in Brooklyn these days, and to the people who have never been there, the show is like a glimpse into everything that will be really cool in four months. And by that point, everyone in Brooklyn will hate it!

So this morning, I sat down to watch the season premiere, and to my surprise, it was very promising. Not only are there eight cast members now, but there is a mormon, an Iraq vet, and a Tranny! Of course, there are the classic Real World staples. There is a virgin, a bi-girl, and at least two people with 'serious relationships' back home. The formula may be the same, but it still works. Who doesn't love seeing someone get drunk, cheat on their significant other, and then call them crying the next day because they know it's going to end up on TV anyway? I know I do. 

So let's do a brief rundown of the cast members:

JD - A gay man from Miami Beach, JD seems like a great guy so far. He comes from a troubled past, but he has overcome it to become a successful Dolphin Trainer at Sea World. JD will probably end up being one of the 'good guys,' and I can't really see him having beef with any of the cast members unless there's some homophobia going on.

Chet - Chet is one of two cast members from Salt Lake City (weird...) but the only mormon. He has already come out as a virgin, and there have been hints of closet homosexuality. 

Devyn - Devyn is a hot african-american girl from St. Louis. So far, she doesn't seem too interesting, and only really talks about her crush on Scott.

Scott - Scott is the house bro. He hails from Salem, New Hampshire, where he has worked at a gym since the age of 14. There really isn't much to Scott besides his rock-hard abs and his harsh New England accent, but he's the closest the house has to a Masshole, so I'm sure he'll be organizing a house beer pong tournament soon.

Baya - Baya is the other cast member from Salt Lake City. She also didn't really do anything interesting in the first episode. She seems like an attractive, slutty chick with a slight hippie vibe.

Katelynn - Katelynn is the tranny. She lives in Missoula, Montana with her d.bag boyfriend (featured shortly in the beginning). Katelynn used to be a man, but got a sex-change operation in Thailand. She came out to JD in an emotional scene towards the end, though all of the other cast members discussed her sexual identity behind her back. Obviously, her character's uniqueness is a promising feature for the show.

Sarah - Sarah is a bi-sexual from San Fransisco. She is currently dating a man for the first time (only chicas before that), and claims that she will not be getting any on the side. Sarah seems like the type of person I would be friends with, though she may not cause very much drama in the house.

Ryan - Ryan is the Iraq War Vet from Gettysburg, PA. After one episode, Ryan is easily my favorite character. He is definitely another bro, but has more depth than Scott. His character will undoubtably get into many confrontations during the season. He has a very aggressive personality, shows signs of homophobia and ignorance, and can't hold his alcohol. Ryan has a girlfriend at home, but I bet he hooks up with Baya. I also think that he will get in at least one physical fight with a cast member, probably Scott.

I plan on posting my thoughts as the season continues. If you also follow the show, I'd love to hear some comments. If not, feel free to ignore any and all Real World-related posts.

The Amazing Adventures of...

In my Elementary class this morning, I decided to have my students do a little creative writing. The premise of the activity was to write a story called "The Amazing Adventures of..." The student could basically do whatever they want from there. As soon as I began reading over some of the students' shoulders, I knew this was a good idea. A few of these stories are priceless, and I'd like to share some of them with you. The stories are copied exactly as they appear on the paper.

*I should note that there were certain key words that I gave to the students to try and elicit some ideas. This is why you may notice words such as airplane, racecar, or slippery placed randomly within some of the stories.

"The Amazing Adventures of Boxhead"

-by Hojin

There once a man call Boxhead. He was riding a airplane to Korea but the plane felled to a scary place called Zombie Land. He had only a gun. But the Zombies came to him. The only one way to escape. He grabed a rope on the ground and jumped to the sea and blocked the way with barrels but the water zombie there was an frezzer and frezzed zombie. When he turned the barrel was knocked down. He quickly rode on a Boat and shot them with the gun. When he looked down there were many kinds of guns and bombs. He throw it a army of zombie. They all died and with help other Boxheads helped him and killed all of them. So the Zombie Land became Boxhead Land.

"The Amazing Adventures of Tim"

-by Tim

I fight the sister every day. I talking to mom. My sister step in always. I'm very angry. I play every day. I'm very happy. I study every day. I'm very angry. The end.

"The Amazing Adventures of Ellie"

-by Ellie

When the Ellie and puppy go to the park. Ellie like slide. One day, my puppy and Ellie have bicycle. My puppy and Ellie in a bicycle in the play grownd. Ellie bicycle is red and pupple. Next time Ellie family go to airplane. Yesterday I go to racecar have it! It is snowing. Play in snow. Ellie runing home. But slippery. Ellie is happy. The end...

"The Amazing Adventures of Sophie"

-by Sophie

Ones upon there live Sophie. She have airplane, racecar, bicycle. But she really like airplane. She travel with airplane. Then race car, bicycle is angry. Sophie said "sorry." So Sophie on the on by one.

"The Amazing Adventures of Astraunot"

-by Steven

Astrounut went to the space. He went to the moon. He steped on the moon. Then the ailian came out from the creater. Then the ailian catch him and take him in to the creater. He was shocked because he met a ailian in the moon. They keep him to the creater and every day ailian did the experiment with him. Then one day astrounut ran away. But ailian catched him. The next day astrounut die. Because yesterday he tried to ran away. Then the astrounut's brother and his cusions are went to the moon and fight with ailian and they win the ailian and found astrounut's body. And the did the [Korean word] very well.

*I am going to attempt to copy this last one as close to the original as I can, though an exact replication is impossible.

"The Amazing Adventures of Me"

-by Justin

On day I got canada and I way kwithmae cow. do cow ran out and cow ran bak. THE END. 

My New Toy

Canon EF 28-135mm f/3.5-5.6 IS USM

Korean kids hate New Wave

A few weeks ago, I began working on a powerpoint presentation on the history of rock music in order to use it in a lesson during the English Camp. It grew from five songs to eleven, as I kept thinking of songs or genres that just my students needed to experience. I was actually very excited this morning to finally be able to share some of this music with Korean students and hear their thoughts on Pink Floyd or Nirvana. 

My excitement quickly turned to aggravation during the first song, "Rock Around the Clock" by Bill Haley & His Comets. The speakers in our school's new $50,000 'English Only Classroom' were awful. The bass sounded like a muffled fart, and anytime I turned the volume up past 6 the speaker fell from the ceiling. I looked to my co-teacher for some help and his response was "maybe you can just talk about the music." Screw that. These kids needed some Pink Floyd in their lives. I was determined to make this lesson successful. 

While "Rock Around the Clock" played on, I taped the speaker to the wall and cranked the volume as loud as I could without the fear of blowing anything up. After the song ends, I ask the students if they had any thoughts. "..........." Nothing. Ok, "Rock Around the Clock" is kind of lame. Maybe they just need to hear something more interesting. 

Next up...the Beatles. "Has anyone heard of the Beatles?" I ask. Again, nothing. I play "Lady Madonna" and, like before, nobody has an opinion. Finally, I call someone out (which I hate doing) and essentially beg them to say something about this song. ANYTHING. What is the response? "I don't like it." Why doesn't she like it? "It's too old sounding." Great...

My co-teacher comes up with a great idea, right as I'm about to explode with frustration. He decides to hand out blank sheets of paper to the students so that they can record any thoughts or feelings about the music while listening to each song. This works to a certain extent. Some of the students write down one-word responses like "fast singing" or "fun" while others use the paper to doodle for the next hour. 

Here the list of songs we listened to today:

Bill Haley & His Comets - Rock Around the Clock

The Beatles - Lady Madonna

Grateful Dead - Friend of the Devil (my co-teacher was upset about the title...)

Pink Floyd - Speak to Me/Breathe/On the Run

Led Zeppelin - Black Dog

The Clash - Guns of Brixton

Tears For Fears - Everybody Wants to Rule the World

Poison - Nothin' But a Good Time

Nirvana - Come As You Are

Blind Melon - No Rain

Radiohead - Weird Fishes

Almost everybody hated Pink Floyd. I think they liked Breathe but I made the mistake of playing On the Run as well. Anyone who knows this song can understand why an unassuming Korean student who casually enjoys today's K-Pop hits, would utterly despise this song. One student actually liked it. He described the song as "making you feel like you're hallucinating." Others described it as "mysterious" or "scary." My co-teacher told me that it didn't even sound like music. Finally, we were getting some opinions.

The most interesting thing about the lesson was the fact that the songs I expected people to really like were duds. I assumed that 'No Rain,' 'Lady Madonna,' and 'Black Dog' would be really popular. Most students thought they were "boring" or "too normal." The big shocker was the fact that these two prissy girls (who sit in the corner giggling all day with cell phones permanently attached to their hands) were digging the Clash. They said, "It has good rhythm. I want to dance." This comment alone made the whole mess of a lesson worth my time. Radiohead was a failure; "too sleepy" or "too sad" were the general responses. My co-teacher, a conservative Catholic, absolutely loved Nirvana. He told me that "the singer was obviously sending a positive message to his fans." I didn't have the heart to tell him that Kurt Cobain actually blew his own head off with a shotgun. 

As expected, Poison was a big hit. I showed the video for "Nothin' But a Good Thing," and if you haven't ever seen it, do yourself a favor and click on the link. The students really didn't know how to respond to Hair Metal. I think they were disturbed, yet strangely aroused. I guess that is similar to my feelings regarding K-Pop.

So another day of English Camps under my belt. I really can't do anything but count down the days until this is all over and I can fly to Tokyo, spread Sashimi all over my body, and drink inappropriate amounts of Saki.

English Camps

The school terms in Korea are set up differently than we Americans are used to. The school year coincides with the calender year and begins in March. As in America, there is a summer break before the second term, but the winter break is the big one over here. Right now, Korean school children are on winter break. I hesitate to say 'enjoying' their break, because they probably aren't. I was having lunch at my co-teacher's apartment on Friday and asked his 13-year old daughter what she was doing on vacation. "Homework," she replied. I thought perhaps that she was just saying that because her father was in the room, so I asked her what else she was doing, besides homework. "Umm, practicing piano," she said, after straining to come up with a reply. 

If you ever want to feel bad about yourself, have a conversation with a Korean student. They will make you feel like a complete waste of space. Whenever I found myself on school vacation, I couldn't wait to sit around and do as little as possible. As a kid, that meant playing video games and eating chips all day. In the past few years I have matured to a level where my interests include reading, watching movies, and drinking beer all day. Either way, studying is the last thing on my mind.

Since Korean students are on vacation until March, you might be wondering, "Cooper, does that mean you're on vacation for two months too?!" Well...no. SMOE (read: the Man) decided to establish what is commonly referred to as "English Camps." This is a two-three week voluntary English class for students, provided by us native english teachers, during the winter and summer vacations. Most students eagerly sign up for the classes as it gives them more opportunity to practice their Englishee. Other students (like the ones at my High School) must be forced into it by parents who don't want to see their children lying around the house playing Starcraft for two months.

Today marked the beginning of a two week English Camp at my school. I teach two 90-minute classes in the morning, one for elementary-aged kids and one for middle/high school students. This morning I was excited to get a chance to interact with the elementary students, seeing as how my teaching experience has been with only degenerate high schoolers. At 9:00 am, they started to file in, holding their mom's hand and looking at me as if I was an alien. I had a bad feeling that these little 1st and 2nd graders were going to be hard shells to crack. Oh, how wrong I was...

I started the class with a little 'about me' powerpoint, full of goofy pictures and self-deprecating humor. To my surprise, this was the perfect way to get the kids to open up. They laughed at my jokes, asked me questions about Cape Cod, and made it perfectly clear that I used to have a terrible haircut. Oddly enough (to me at least) their English ability was eons above my high school students, and the class was easy and fun. 

By the time class ended, I had little boys jumping on my back and kids running around tables for no reason. Maybe it was the candy I gave them. Koreans aren't used to sugar.

After a quick rest, the next group of students came in. After the 15 little balls of energy that had just left, the middle/high school group was quite a downer. I showed the same 'about me' powerpoint, told the same lame jokes, and got nothing but blank stares and crossed arms. Only three out of the twelve students seemed to be able to speak in complete sentences. They showed no interest in me, the class, or English in general. All in all, it seemed like a disaster. Luckily, they warmed up to me pretty quickly when they realized I was willing to dish out some candy. We spent the class doing simple and fun activities and, though it wasn't nearly as enjoyable as the elementary school class, I made it out alive.

So, two more weeks of this and then I'm freelancing for a week at some Middle School in the western part of Seoul (gotta make that $$). Tomorrow, we will be discussing the history of Rock & Roll and listening to the likes of Led Zeppelin, The Clash, Radiohead, Poison, and Pink Floyd. My middle/high school class will leave Seoul Robotics High School having had their minds blown.

'80's Korean Robocop Fried Chicken Commercial

I'd like to think that this blog is a gateway into the finer points of Korean culture. Here is yet another glimpse into this strange and wonderful country.

Songs for a Late Night

Bonobo - Recurring

Flying Lotus - RobertaFlack

Broken Social Scene - I Slept with Bonhomme at the Cbc

Kaki King - Night After Sidewalk

Telefon Tel Aviv - Fahrenheit Fair Enough 

What I'm looking forward to in 2009

1.) Neko Case has a new album coming out in early March called Middle Cyclone. Check out the cover. What a badass...

2.) On January 24th I will be jetting to Tokyo for a week. For the past ten years, Japan has been at the very top of a long list of international destinations I want to see and to finally be able to set foot in the country will be a surreal experience.

3.) Quentin Tarantino will finally be finishing Inglorious Bastards, a film project he has been talking about since before Kill Bill was released. Luckily (for me), the film will be released in late August. So I will get to see it in theaters, quite possibly the day after I return to America. Look out Cape Cod Mall Regal Cinema!

4.) My parents adopoted an Australian Shepherd named Trip in October. Though we have already met via Skype video chat, I look forward to meeting Trip in person in August. Here is a picture of Trip along with our other dog Tiver, who I also look forward to seeing in 2009.

5.) Over the summer I worked at Cape Cod Beer, and drank a pint (or two) of the Cape Cod IPA almost every day. It quickly became my favorite beer and I miss it very much. I will definitely be making a trip to Cape Cod Beer within 24 hours of my arrival back in America.

6.) Over the summer I will be traveling to China for a week or so. I told myself that I cannot leave Asia without stepping foot in Tokyo and getting a picture of myself on the Great Wall. From what I hear, China is a glorious ball of chaos and I can't to see it. 

7.) James Cameron is releasing his first feature film since Titanic, a 3-D science fiction epic called Avatar. Cameron has been working on the film since the mid '90s and has said that the incessant delays in production have been due to the fact that he had to wait for the technology he wanted to use in the film to be invented. WHOA! Avatar will hit US theaters in December of 2009.

8.) I anxiously look forward to Barack Obama taking office, fixing the world, and curing AIDS.

9.) I read somewhere that both Arcade Fire and the Postal Service have new albums coming out in 2009, though I don't have any specific information. The new Postal Service release will quite possibly be the last good album that Ben Gibbard makes, now that he is marrying Zooey Deschanel. 

Marriage + emo-tinged Indie rock = Epic Fail

10.) Driving.

11.) I became a big fan of the LG Twins last fall and eagerly anticipate the start of the Korean Baseball season in April.

12.) Around the same time that may parents adopted Trip, my Dad bought a 1970 Harley Davidson M65. If you know my Dad, you will understand why this is extremely surprising. My mom was convinced that he was going through a mid-life crisis. Either way, I am excited to finally have some motivation to get my motorcycle license next fall. The bike is not what you would picture as a Harley Davidson. It is small, only a few steps above a motor scooter in terms of speed. Herb says he is only using it for cruising around town. Here is a picture he sent me of the bike.

13.) Visiting Burlington - Duff Hour, Four Corners, Asiana House, etc.

14.) This past fall, a great percentage of my time and energy was devoted to the Wire, a television show originally on HBO. My friend Bradford, who also happens to be in Korea, has also been consumed by this show. We both decided that we need to take a road trip to Baltimore next fall and take "The Wire Tour." We're going to hit the dirty streets of West B-more, try and witness a re-up, and hopefully run into Bubbles.

New Year's Rant

2009!!!

Last night was easily the strangest New Year's Eve celebration in my short history on this planet. My band, the Tear Jerks played our best show yet. I've never seen anyone so afraid as this one little Korean girl while all these big American guys formed a mosh pit right as we started playing. Afterwards, I had a strange and slightly unsettling conversation with two G.I.s from Kentucky. One second, we're laughing and joking and having a good time. Then, all of a sudden one of them wanted to punch me in the face because I suggested that his uncle was actually his father. Some people just can't take a joke...

I have been witness to more fights in Seoul than anywhere else. Maybe it's something in the water. Maybe it is the degenerates I choose to associate with. Maybe it's all of the G.I.s who start fights because they can't get laid. Whatever it is, I generally manage to remain a spectator. One of these days though, my sarcasm is going to get me into trouble.

For the first time, I have decided to have a New Year's Resolution. I am generally against such things because I feel that nobody actually follows through with their resolutions, but I'm going to give it a shot. So here is my resolution:

I will no longer address a person as "dude" or "man." Both of these words have been integral parts of my social vocabulary since I was in High School but I think it's about time that I move on. I really don't want to be calling people "dude" throughout my twenties. I know it will take a little while for me to completely remove these words from my vocabulary, but it will happen eventually.

So, there it is. I'm not going to try and start exercising, or write a screenplay, or volunteer more often. I could say that and feel good for a second. But in the end, I would probably never actually do those things. Dropping "dude" and "man" from my vocabulary is a much more realistic goal for myself. 

I also hope to get more involved in photography, a recent passion of mine. I have spent the past few weeks researching various lenses and I plan on making a purchase this week. So I want to get out, take more pictures, and post some of my favorites here.

Now I'm going to go have my first Kimchi of 2009. I hope everyone has a safe and enjoyable holiday.

Great beer commercials from the '80s

What better way to close out 2008 than with some classic beer commercials from the 1980s?

Busch

-this commercial has a definite Brokeback Mountain vibe to it

Stroh's

-What ever happened to Stroh's? These guys must be pretty upset right now.

Miller High Life

-High Life is for honest, hardworking Americans. Anyone who drinks Budweiser must be friends with the terrorists, or at least the Belgians.

Coors Light

-great Shooter McGavin cameo in this one

Coors

-It took me the entire length of this commercial to figure out that the guy isn't Scott Baio.

Pabst

-this is quite possibly the greatest commercial ever made

Put in a quarter and win a...lobster?

Last night I was wandering the streets with my fellow Tear Jerks when we stumbled upon what appeared to be a claw machine. You know those machines where you put in some money and try to win a lighter or stuffed animal by picking it up with a claw? We found that, but instead of winning a Spider-Man doll, you win a live lobster. Obviously, we couldn't pass up the opportunity to play, so John gave it a go. As happens with every attempt at the claw game, he failed. It was probably all for the best since none of us could figure out what we would do if we had actually won a lobster. White people get stared at enough in the subway.

Mr. Chi City's guide to getting women

Let the Right One In

Living in Korea has obvious drawbacks for a film buff. The only english-language films that make their way to Korean theaters are brainless action flicks and trashy romantic comedies. And, for obvious reasons, I can't really see anything unless it is in English. Luckily, the magical powers of the internet have allowed me to still watch films that I wouldn't otherwise be able to see until my return home. There are still some that I haven't been able to locate (Slumdog Millionare, Frost/Nixon, the Wrestler, Synecdoche, New York) but otherwise I have watched quite a few recent movies from the Western world. 

When I went to see Quantum of Solace back in November, there was a preview for a Swedish Vampire film called 'Let the Right One In." The imagery was startling, though I couldn't understand any of the language in the preview. A few weeks ago, I was finally able to watch the movie and was completely enthralled. This is by far the best film I've watched in 2008.

The story follows a 12 year old boy who lives in an apartment complex outside of Stockholm. The boy is a loner who often gets picked on at school. A girl moves in to the apartment complex and the two of them start to spend some time together, and eventually the boy finds out that his new friend is a vampire. I won't go into any more plot detail but I highly recommend this film. 

One thing I appreciate about European filmmakers is that they often hold their audience to higher standards than your average Hollywood director. They don't shove ideas in your face but rather allow the viewer to assess the film for themselves and create their own interpretation. 'Let the Right One In' is a subtle masterpiece, a film that will stick with you for days or even weeks. It is a story of loneliness, friendship, and the difficulties of youth. 

Please post your thoughts if you have seen this already, because I haven't heard anyone else's opinion.

Fan Death

Never go to sleep with your fan still running. It may end up killing you. At least, this is what the majority of Koreans believe. Fan Death is a bizarre myth in Korea; the belief is that, if you leave a fan on for a long period of time (overnight), it will suck all of the oxygen out of the air, causing you to suffocate to death. Now, this may seem silly to anyone who reads or hears about it for the first time. I still think it's quite ridiculous. However, the Korean Government takes it very seriously, listing "asphyxiation from electric fans or air conditioners" as one of the most common summer accidents. How is this possible? According to medical professionals, it's not. According to every Korean I have spoken to about this issue, it is very possible.

I first broached the topic with my teacher's conversation class. This is a class I teach every Monday afternoon for any teacher in the school who wants to practice their conversational English. I usually find an interesting article to read or discuss but the conversation almost always ends up directly relating to me, my beliefs, and all-things America. A few weeks ago though, I decided to begin the class by asking everyone if they believed in Fan Death. I didn't exactly put it in those terms, but I got the general idea across. I asked something along the lines of, "Do you believe that a fan can kill someone if it is left on overnight in a closed room?" To my surprise, everybody in the room believed in Fan Death. They turned the question back at me and I said that, no, I do not believe in Fan Death. In fact, I have been sleeping with a fan on every single night for at least the past four years. This comment garnered a mixed reaction of concern, shock, and horror. Gasps, murmers, and OH NO's spread throughout the room. It was almost as if I just explained how I have been cheating death for the past four years. In a sense, this is what they were hearing. The mood in the room started to feel a little heavy, so I decided to change the topic. Incidentally, there had been complaints that some of my lesson topics were too heavy or morbid for some of the teachers, but that is a whole different subject altogether. 

Anyway, I continued my quest for a Korean who didn't believe in Fan Death the following weekend, at a bar in Hongdae. Somehow I started talking with three Koreans, all of whom were probably in their early twenties. After a few drinks and a few laughs, I decided to give it a shot. Almost immediately after asking about Fan Death, I could tell that this was a bad idea. All three of them looked at each other, said a few words in Korean, and told me that they did indeed believe in Fan Death. It didn't appear like a topic they wanted to discuss in any detail, so I didn't ask any follow-up questions.

Now, as I sit alone in my apartment at 12:30 AM on a Saturday morning, I am wondering one thing:

Is tonight the night? Is my fan finally going to suck all of the air out of my shabby apartment, thus causing me to die a horrible and painful death?

This is my fan:

Upon first glance, it looks harmless enough. I have no complaints. It kept me cool during those hot days of September. It provides me with the required ambient noise I need for sleep in the cold nights of December. It has shown no signs of evil intent. Is this the look of a secret killer? Perhaps, but I'm just going to keep on cheating death, one night at a time.

A Night Out with the Co-Workers

On Tuesday I was informed that a few teachers from my office were going out to dinner and they wanted me to join. According to my co-teacher, Mr. Lee, the dinner was a end-of-term celebration of sorts. I eagerly accepted the invitation, knowing full well that 'going out to dinner' to a Korean means a small dinner followed by massive amounts of booze and, most likely a trip to the Noraebang (Karaoke Room). The night started out as I had expected. We had dinner in a small restaurant, and I was actually told by one of my co-workers to save some room for beer. After dinner, Mr. Oh told us that he wanted to take us to a famous Korean microbrewery and treat us all to some beer because his son had just gotten into a prestigious science high school in Seoul. This was music to my ears seeing as how, besides two Sam Adams Lagers at Thanksgiving, I have been drinking nothing but Korean Busch Lite for four months. 

When we arrive, I quickly realize that this is like no Microbrewery I had ever seen. The set-up was more akin to a nightclub. A large stage in one corner was showing a live concert of Beyonce on a 20x20 projection screen. Blue Christmas lights hung along all of the walls. Waiters walked around with in-ear pieces and walkie talkies attached to their belts. Every seat in the room had at least three 50-inch flat screen televisions within their line of sight, all of which were showing the Beyonce concert. Beyonce was on mute however, and the speakers blasted today's K-Pop favorites instead.

So we take our seats, get a few samplers of beer to decide which one we want to dive into, and then order. Two minutes later, the waiter brings out this giant tube of beer with its own tap. The tube held exactly ten pint glasses worth of beer. Mr. Oh wasted no time in slamming his first glass. By the time he was halfway through number two, his face was starting to turn red, a sure-fire sign that a Korean is well on his way to getting drunk. Meanwhile, Ms. Lee and I discussed some of her favorite bands: Skid Row, the Clash, Nirvana, and some Japanese speed metal band that I had never heard of. What made this conversation so awesome was the fact that Ms. Lee is a very quiet, unassuming, middle-aged Korean woman. She is quite possibly the last person in the world who I can picture rocking out to Japanese speed metal in her spare time. 

Right as I was finishing my second glass of Pilsner, a group of Filipinos walked on to the stage, all clad in matching Santa Claus outfits, all except for the female lead singer, who was wearing some sort of Santa/dress combo. Their set opened with a bland instrumental cover of Jingle Bells, followed by a few other Christmas tunes played with almost no emotion. Needless to say, I was unimpressed, though very attracted to the lead singer. Here is the band during the second or third song of the set:

After about twenty minutes, the band leaves the stage...set break. Ten minutes later they return, and immediately shift gears. The set opens with a funky take on Sade's "Smooth Operator" followed by a rousing performance of "Killing Me Softly." At this point, the female singer removes her Mrs. Clause sweater, a sign of things to come. The band then drops into "Shake Your Booty." The singer starts dancing around the stage as the guitarist and keyboarder trade solos before the band segues flawlessly into Kool & the Gang's "Get Down On It." This song really gets the crowd going, and Koreans start dancing all over the place. I have never seen anything quite like it. "Get Down On It" flows right into "Celebration," another 70s funk classic before things start to inevitably slow back down. 

To be honest, I don't remember what they played after this. I was too busy getting hassled by my co-workers for "not drinking enough beer." I do remember that they were playing Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer as I walked out. I turned around to glimpse the stage for one last time and noticed that the singer had put her Mrs. Clause sweater back on. I guess the funk was short-lived.

Luckily the night ended there. No Noraebang this time. Maybe my co-teachers had heard about my provocative performance of "Like a Virgin" back in November....

Anyway, here's a great shot of two of my co-teachers, Mr. Lee and Ms. Choi, getting a little loose, as I like to say. 

Merry Christmas

Christmas Music: The Good, the Bad, and the Unfortunate

Why does every single musician in the Western World feel the need to release a Christmas album? Is it the joy of the season, or just a sure-fire way to make some green? I'd say more often than not, musicians are motivated by the money. For the most part, I think it's kind of disgusting. How many different versions of "Sleigh Ride" does this world really need? One is more than enough if you ask me. 

A few weeks ago I was feeling nostalgic for the days when there was still a feeling of magic in the Christmas season. It got me thinking about the few Christmas songs and albums that I actually enjoy. 

A Charlie Brown Christmas is and always will be the best Christmas album in my opinion. Vince Guaraldi's piano work on songs such as "Christmas Time is Here," "Skating," and "Oh Tannenbaum" really reflect the joy and innocence of Christmas as a child.

Ella Wishes You a Swinging Christmas is another classic. I usually listen to this a few times during the Christmas Season. Ella Fitzgerald's voice is just so soothing and the album is almost completely lacking of kitschiness, which is a rarity with Christmas music.

Now, for every one decent Christmas album, there are at least two hundred terrible ones. During my brief moment of childhood nostalgia, I found myself surfing the i-Tunes Music Store Christmas selection. My search led to some fairly interesting and amusing discoveries. When I say that everyone has recorded a Christmas album at one point, I do not exaggerate. Here are just a few of the hidden gems of the Christmas genre that I stumbled upon.

Crash Test Dummies - We Three Kings 

-these were the guys who also wrote the worst-titled song of all time "MMM MMM MMM MMM"

Run DMC - Christmas in Hollis 

-if there are two things that definitely don't belong together, it's Christmas and hip hop...yikes

Cyndi Lauper - Christmas Conga 

-this song is just as bad as the title would suggest

Celine Dion & R. Kelly - I'm Your Angel 

-this is R. Kelly during his "I Believe I Can Fly" era...not my favorite period of his career

The Ramones - Merry Christmas (I Don't Wanna Fight Tonight) 

-Other than the tasteful use of parentheses in the title (always a plus in rock music), this song is complete garbage

Stevie Nicks - Silent Night 

The Gypsy Queen does a nauseating cover of "Silent Night" that would even make Baby Jesus cry

The Eurythmics - Winter Wonderland 

-There is something about the combination of dark 80s synth and the cheerfulness of Winter Wonderland that really, really doesn't work

John Denver - Please Daddy (Don't Get Drunk This Christmas) 

An even better use of the rock parentheses, this just has to be the best-titled Christmas song of all time

Well, that's just about enough terrible Christmas music to get you through a few glasses of Egg Nog. Have a safe and happy holiday season. I'll try and do the same. I wonder if Korean girls know about mistletoe...

WNBA Live 2008

Generosity: A Blessing and a Curse

Koreans are a generous people. They absolutely LOVE to give gifts. Incidentally, they love to give me gifts. Almost everyday, I come back to my desk to find little treats. My students love to give me chocolate or photos of themselves or free demos for online computer games so that I can play with them. Teachers love to give me food or socks or little dangly things that hang off of cell phones. Generally, I receive these gifts with the greatest of enthusiasm. Sometimes though, things get a little out of hand.

The one flaw about receiving gifts is that you absolutely must accept. If a teacher gives me a potato in the morning (which happens often), I am expected to eat it. Maybe I just had some pop tarts, or maybe I'm 30 minutes away from eating lunch. No excuse. If I don't eat the potato, chaos ensues. 

I found this out the hard way when I came back from a class to find a plate of rice cakes sitting in front of my computer. "This is from science teacher," says my co-teacher, Mr. Lee. Though I don't necessarily know who 'science teacher' is, I smile and say, "Oh, that is really nice," and push the rice cakes to the side as I sit down to check facebook or gmail or whatever it is I do all day.

"Why don't you eat?" asks Mr. Lee, looking quite concerned. I was still trying to get over the absurd amount of food I ate at lunch and couldn't really imagine stuffing rice cakes in my mouth at the moment. "I'm not hungry," I say. Apparently that is not a factor. I am told that this is a "delicious traditional Korean rice cake," which is subliminal code for "you need to eat this right now." I get the hint and grudgingly plow through the plate of rice cakes, watching my stomach expand in front of my eyes. 

Whether it was "Give Kimchi to a foreigner Day," or due simply to fate, I received two giant-sized plastic containers of grade-A, uncut, home-made Kimchi yesterday. Due to the extreme excitement of one of the teachers (repeated clapping, jumping in place, shouting...), this is apparently a huge honor. I smiled, bowed, and Kamsa Needa-ed my way out of the room, wondering what the hell I was going to do with all of this Kimchi. 

Here is a shot of just one of the plastic containers now lying on the floor of my kitchen. My dorm-room sized fridge can't even hold one of them. Each container probably holds a six month supply of Kimchi. If I did have room, I'd probably still be making my way through the second container in time to ring in the new year...in 2010. 

The dilemma I have is this: I have no idea what to do with all this goddamn Kimchi. I wish that I could have just told these teachers that, though the gift is much appreciated, I simply have no room in which to store the Kimchi. Unfortunately this is not an option. Such a response would make me blacklisted among every teacher in my school. Word would spread like SARS around Seoul Robotics High School that I don't appreciate gifts, and I would never get oranges or Pepero again. 

What do I do with all of this Kimchi? After much thought, I have come up with two options. I could secretly throw it all away or I could give it to a homeless person. Neither of these options seem probable, however. If I throw it away, I'll feel awful. To throw away ten pounds of homemade Kimchi is a 'fuck you' to the entire nation of Korea. Not only that, but there are moral issues at stake. I can't justify wasting that much food. 

There is a homeless man who has recently set up shop in my subway station. I am sure he would be thrilled to have a year's supply of Kimchi. If not, he could probably trade it in for a few bottles of Soju. However, I don't think I could bring myself to walk up to this man and simply hand him two giant containers of Kimchi. I imagine he doesn't speak any English and he would probably be very confused. "Why the hell is this white guy giving me a massive amount of Kimchi?" Not only that, but people around us would start staring. "Why the hell is this white guy giving that drunk a massive amount of Kimchi?" The situation would be entirely too awkward. Plus, I walk by this guy every day. "Oh, there goes that weird Kimchi guy," he'd think to himself as I stroll by. 

So now I'm forced to come up with option C. What is option C? I don't know yet, but until I figure it out, my apartment will permeate with the not-so-pleasing odor of Kimchi.

Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated...